Sleepless in Seattle
by Isabella1020
Summary: It had been a long, long day at Seattle Greace Hospital and Derek just wanted to get home and sleep, but Addison had a lot in mind-and she needed to talk. Takes place at season 2. Addek. A/U.
1. Wishing for Forgiveness

**Title:** Wishing for Forgiveness.

**Song: **"Criminal", by Fiona Apple.

* * *

_I've been a bad bad girl.  
I've been careless  
with a delicate man.  
_

Addison finished drying out her hair and started brushing it. The cold sent a shiver down her spine- she had just taken a shower. She decided to fix her husband and her some dinner. That was if her husband decided to come tonight, of course. It was 9:30 and he hadn't gone back home yet. Addison knew that he was supposed to be at home two and a half hour s ago. She was a doctor and she knew how the hospital was sometimes, but something inside her told her that her husband wasn't home early because he didn't want to, not because he couldn't make it. It was probably easier for Derek to come home late, once she was asleep, so he wouldn't have to face her. _How did we get to this?_ Addison thought bitterly. _Why is this even happening?_

_And it's a sad sad world.  
When a girl will  
break a boy,  
just because she can._

Before, when they lived in New York, something like this wouldn't ever have happened. Before Mark, Derek would always make it for dinner, no matter what. Before, in those happy days, Derek would hug her wife and kiss her once he got home.

She put the food on the refrigerator for Derek to eat it once he finally got home (if he ever did). _"But now… " _She thought as she looked at herself in the mirror."_Now he wouldn't kiss me though I was the last woman on Earth. "_

She stared at the mirror, gazing at herself in a gesture that she couldn't avoid-it was a habit. It might look vain, but she was actually trying to figure out what was wrong about her.

_Don't you tell me to deny it.  
I've done wrong and I wanna suffer for my sins._

Addison wasn't stupid. She knew she was beautiful-and it's not that she bragged about it-she just knew it. She had long, red, never-messy hair and a face that many actresses would die for. She was tall and slender even without the heels she wore every day. She was definitively beautiful, but it wasn't enough. She didn't want to be good-looking if the man she loved didn't even look at her. She thought sadly that her husband wouldn't notice if she walked around wearing a trash bag. What was the point in getting more beautiful?

_I've come to you,  
'cause I need guidance to be true...  
And I just don't know  
where I can begin..._

_Maybe if I stop eating and I tint my hair into blonde, he'll notice me. Only to say "That's pathetic Addison. You'll never be Meredith. "She_ imagined, as a sad grimace formed in her face.

A sudden noise took her out of her thoughts. Addison shook her head, confused. She turned around and she saw Derek quickly walk into the trailer and close the door behind him.

_What I need is a good defense,  
'cause I'm feelin' like a criminal.  
And I need to be redeemed,  
to the one I've sinned against,  
because he's all I ever knew of love._

"Why are you still awake? It's late" He asked as he made his way to the refrigerator to grab a snack from it.

"I was just… " Addison trailed off, hesitating. "I couldn't sleep" She ran a hand through her hair and cleared her throat. "Listen, Derek, I… "

"Not now, Addison" He cut her off and finished eating. "Tomorrow"

"No!" She suddenly bursted into tears. "No, I won't wait until tomorrow because that's what you always say. Stop walking away, Derek! Stay and face me like a man!"

_Heaven help me for the way I am...  
Save me from these evil deeds,  
before I get them done.  
_

"What?" He inquired. "I don't walk away. I'm just too tired and busy to argue with you, Addison. I didn't have a good day."

"Well, guess what. I've not had a good day in months, Derek. And I'm tired too. But I'm here to do something about it."

"Something about what?"

_I know tomorrow brings the consequence at hand...  
But I keep livin' this day like the next will never come._

"About our marriage, Derek. Is it gonna end like this? Aren't you gonna fight for it?" She argued, pissed off.

He didn't know what to answer. He was full of doubts about what to do with his marriage, Addison and Meredith. Addison had hurt him badly, but he still loved her, and deep down inside, he knew that she was right when she said that his indifference had led her into Mark's arms. And Meredith…he was in love with her, but she'd proved that she could hurt him too.

_Oh help me but don't tell me to deny it.  
I've got to cleanse myself,  
of all these lies till I'm good enough for him. _

_I've got a lot to lose and I'm bettin' high so I'm beggin' you..._

_ Before it ends, just tell me where to begin..._

Addison gazed into his eyes and guessed what he was thinking, the struggle that was taking place inside of him. She felt compassion and understood that he needed time.

_What I need is a good defense,  
'cause I'm feelin' like a criminal.  
And I need to be redeemed,  
to the one I've sinned against,  
because he's all I ever knew of love._

"This is…hard. I'll give you time to think about it, but try not to take too long, okay?" She offered raising her arms, giving up for tonight. "But Derek, remember that I still love you and that I'm deeply sorry for what I did. Remember the old times, how happy we used to be." She begged in a whisper as the tears started to form in her eyes.

_Let me know the way,  
before there's hell to pay;  
give me room to lay the law and let me go.  
I've got to make a play,  
to make my lover stay...  
So what would an angel say...?  
The devil wants to know._

For a moment, he could. He remembered New York's cold nights, when he used to come home early to have dinner with his wife. He remembered himself complaining about the cold weather and the job as Addison took his coat and kissed him. Memories of a happy life, memories of moments of joy. He remembered the Christmases they spent together… the happiest moments of his life. He remembered how proud of Addison he was, how they fitted in every level, and how much he loved to introduce her as "My wife".

He hadn't realized how much he missed all of those things. After what happened with Mark, the feelings of sadness, pain and betrayal had covered all, forcing him into forget all those memories.

_What I need is a good defense,  
'cause I'm feelin' like a criminal.  
And I need to be redeemed,  
to the one I've sinned against,  
because he's all I ever knew of love._

"I've tortured him enough for one night" Addison thought with a sad smile. "Goodnight, Derek" She said as she made her way towards the bed.

"Goodnight" He answered as he sat on the table; he still had a lot to think about. A while later, he lied in the bed and covered himself with the sheets. He looked at his wife, and grinned. She seemed peaceful when she was asleep.

_What I need is a good defense,  
'cause I'm feelin' like a criminal.  
And I need to be redeemed,  
to the one I've sinned against,  
because he's all I ever knew of love._

"Goodnight, Addie. Sweet dreams." He said as he kissed her forehead and leaned his head on the pillows, hoping to finally get some sleep.

Addison wasn't asleep, though, and the simple fact of that nickname was her sweetest dream come true.


	2. Rush

**Title:** Rush.

**Song:** "Die Alone", by Ingrid Michaelson.

**Comments**: A/U. Originally imagined as an Addison-centric but then developed more as a Derek-centric. (The song fits best with Addison's situation, anyways.) I hope you like it, and I'm sorry it took that long to update. I promise I'll write the next chapter soon.

* * *

She woke up earlier tan him that morning. If he had seen her, he would have teased her about it, since she always was the one wanting to stay in bed for the rest of the day. _So I like to sleep. Is there any problem with that?_ She used to tell him every time he brought up the subject.

_I woke up this morning with a funny taste in my head.  
Spackled some butter over my whole grain bread.  
_

Of course, that was before-when they talked. When he spoke to her. When he loved her.

Addison couldn't recall exactly why she had done what she had done with Mark. She thought she remembered having a few drinks with him because she felt abandoned, and then he was, well, Mark, and what she had originally imagined as a night of innocent fun with an old friend had quickly become something she couldn't control. What embarrassed her the most, was remembering clearly that in the moment that Mark's lips had touched hers, she had thought _What the hell, Derek doesn't care about me anyways._

_Something tastes different, maybe it's my tongue.  
Something tastes different; suddenly I'm not so young._

Now, looking back, she couldn't feel more horrified about it. _I'm a complete, total idiot,_ she told herself for the hundredth time. One second of imprudence, one stupid mistake and she had lost the future she had dreamed about and the man of her life. Sighing over her cup of coffee, Addison looked at her husband, who slept peacefully on the bed across the small hallway. She was worried. He had promised he would think about their marriage, but what if he thought about it and decided that he didn't want to fight for their marriage? What if he wanted to divorce? What if he chose Meredith over her? What would she do if that happened? How could she go on?

_I'm just a stranger, even to myself.  
A re-arranger of the proverbial bookshelf.  
_

The uncertainty was the worst part of it. Addison couldn't stand it anymore; she wanted him to give her an answer, either the one she wanted to hear, or the other one. That way she would be able to decide if there was any chance left for her or if she had to make plans to start over somewhere else.

_Don't be a fool girl, tell him you love him.  
Don't be a fool girl, you're not above him._

For a moment she closed her eyes and rested her head on the table. She was so abstracted in her own thoughts that she hadn't heard him waking up. He was looking at her, a mix of amusement and confusion upon his face. A mischievous smile spread across his face and he walked over to her, tiptoeing. Once he was close enough, he knelt down next to her and whispered in her ear.

"Hey Addie."

"Jeez!" She jumped from her seat and looked terrified for a second. Then she stared at him in disbelief while she tried to get her breath back and normalize the rhythm of her heartbeats. "You, bastard!" She pointed at her husband, who laid on the floor, clutching his stomach as he laughed loudly. He even had tears of laughter spilling form the corners of his eyes.

_I never thought I could love anyone but myself.  
Now I know I can't love anyone but you._  
_You make me think that maybe I won't die alone.  
Maybe I won't die alone._

"I… can't… " He gasped between laughter. "I can't believe you didn't see me!"

"Ha, ha. Very funny." She agreed sarcastically, as she picked up a pillow and threw it right into his face.

"Hey!" He got up and took another pillow. "Just because of a little joke, you don't get to attack me."

_Kiss the boys as they walk by, call me their baby.  
But little do they know, I'm just a maybe._

"And just because I'm having a moment to myself, doesn't mean you get to scare the hell outta me!" She snapped at him as she walked a few steps back.

He mumbled something that sounded like a _When she's right; she's right_ and put the pillow down on the table. In that moment she ran towards him and started to hit him playfully with the pillow that she still had in her hands.

_Maybe my baby will be the one to leave me sore.  
Maybe my baby will settle the score._

"You thought I would give up so easily? You thought I wouldn't get revenge? Ha! You were wrong!" She was the one laughing this time as he tried to protect himself from her attack.

"Stop it! Stop it!" He pleaded, stepping back.

"Say you're sorry, Shepard." She demanded, letting him alone for a few seconds. "Say you're sorry!"

"Never in a million years." He shook his head, a playful grin on his face.

_I never thought I could love anyone but myself.  
Now I know I can't love anyone but you._

"Alrighty then." She smiled evilly and started to hit him again, but he managed to slip across the hallway, avoiding her strokes and took refuge at their bedroom.

When she got there, chasing after him, he appeared from behind the corner and, taking the pillow from her hands, threw it away and caught her fists in his hands.

_You make me think that maybe I won't die alone.  
Maybe I won't die alone._

"Calm down, you crazy woman!" He ordered.

"Get off me!" She ordered back, still laughing. But he couldn't pay attention to what she was saying, no, not now, that they were so close, and he could inhale the sweet scent of her hair and see himself in the blue of her eyes, and feel her red hair tickle his neck as it fell loosely, unkempt, over her shoulders. His gaze dropped to her lips, half open and curled up in a smile.

_What have I become?  
Something soft… and really quite dumb._

_Addison Forbes Montgomery's lips. _For a moment, that was all he could think about: her lips, the memories of the many kisses they had shared and how good it had felt and how much he missed it, how much he missed her. As if was something unavoidable, an irresistible impulse, something that was meant to happen, he planted a soft kiss on her lips, only to check if it felt as before, only to see if he had been missing that feeling during all the time they had been apart.

'_Cause I've fallen, oh, 'cause I've,  
fall-fallen, oh 'cause I've fall-fall-fallen,  
so far away from the place where I started from…_

As their lips moved together in perfect synchrony, her hands moved to his head and clutched his hair, just as his arms got wrapped around her waist; their scents mixed, and a little bit of Derek's cologne impregnated Addison's sleep shirt, as a little bit of Addison's rose and orchids perfume lingered on the neck of his shirt.

_I never thought I could love anyone.  
I never thought I could love anyone._

Derek felt like re-living something that he hadn't felt in a long time: the rush of emotions, the thrill that he felt every time he kissed Addison. The feeling that had made him decide that she was_ the one_ in the first place. She had to be the one. It couldn't feel so right, so perfect, if she weren't the one for him and he weren't the one for her. At least, that's what he had once believed, years ago, when he was young and hopeful.

It wasn't an intense kiss, but it was sweet and long. When they eventually had to break apart, giving in to their need for oxygen, they both leaned against the opposite walls of the tiny hallway.

_I never thought I could love anyone,  
But you, but you, but you, but you, but you…_

Addison was the first to speak. "Derek… what was that?"

He ran a hand through his hair, disconcerted and a little bit dazed. "I don't know." He admitted as he walked over to the bed and sat on its edge. She pointed at the spot besides him. "May I…?" He nodded, still silent. She sat next to him and rested her head on her hands.

"If you think it was a mistake, it won't happen again, if you don't want to…" She started, but he cut her off.

_But you…_

_Make me think that maybe I won't die alone._

"It wasn't your fault, Addie." He laid back on the mattress and stared at the ceiling. "Everything's not your fault, no matter how much I've been blaming you all this time." He felt her laying next to him and shifting her position until she was on her side, facing him.

"Well, it's really nice to hear that." She stated, quietly.

"I'm sorry it took so long." He muttered, a little bit ashamed. Whether he wanted to clear things up with Addison or not, he still owed her that apology.

_Maybe I won't die alone._

"It's okay." She snuggled closer to him and rested her head on his chest; he wrapped one of his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"Thanks, Derek." He heard her say before she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

He remained awake, thinking, caressing her hair and holding her tight while he tried to figure out a way to get out of that mess his life had become without hurting Addison in the process. He had to find a way, he had to do it for both hers and his sake, since he wasn't sure he could stand her suffering. He didn't want to hurt her anymore; she had had enough.


End file.
